The saddest pain


Yesterday we received the news about our friend Ahne. The news that she had passed. By her own volition.I can’t claim to have been Ahne’s close friend. I saw her seldom, and we really had no heart to heart conversations. I cannot, however, remove this sadness from my spirit. The idea of her pain, her hurt, her despair. It continues to revolve around that hamster wheel of my brain. At odd points during the day I am struck painfully with her death. I woke in the night, often, and imagined her.

So…I think I would like to talk about my admiration for Ahne’s fierce spirit, write about what delighted me about her.

She was so fricking feisty. Her indignation at a wrong was a delight to witness. She did not hold back, she was honest.

I enjoyed watching her argue with her father, not because I enjoyed the anger, but because I enjoyed the pure spunk of her.

Her smile, Ahne had the biggest, the best, the kindest smile. And she cared about others, about their needs. It was not uncommon for her to take care of others, to help.

Her heart, her deep commitment to feeling; I admired that. Her passion; I honored that.

Her defense of her children; once Easton showed me his Trump cap, with pride! I responded huh, I guess I should get my Kamala Harris hat out then. Oh Lord, if looks could destroy…The look I received in defense of her son was totally the look of a mamma bear.

Her brilliant intelligence; Ahne, was smart, gracious, , she had an engaging ability to be present with others.

Her friends; so many people love Ahne, so many people are impacted by her painful passing. I hope she feels this love. She deserves to feel this love.

Ahne, I cannot wrap my head around this, of all the passing’s I have experienced in the past year, yours my beautiful, wonderful, magnificent woman, yours has destroyed me.

You are missed, you are loved, you are honored. I send great love to you, to your family, children, and your friends. We all feel the greatness of your presence in our lives

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Tilly Evan Jones

“I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. I want to be light and frolicsome. I want to be improbable and beautiful and afraid of nothing as though I had wings.” ~Mary Oliver

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